Daily journal: 5. LOVE

What is love about?

Why these celebrations are so overrated?

Love its not about proving 1-2 days per year that you love the other one, that you care. Its an action that you do everyday.

Why do people constrain themselves in an one day proof of their feelings? It is like you dont feel the same in rest of the time, which in most of cases its not true.

I know not everyone does this, but some do and I think its sad that now, in 2021, we are not able to express our feelings properly without hiding after a celebration Love Day.

True feelings are powerful, expressing yourself means courage. The power comes from assuming your feelings, from facing them, from proving and sustaining them in front of your own fears.


Daily journal: 4. CHAOS

๐™‹๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™–๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™š๐™ง๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™จ๐™š ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™˜๐™ช๐™ง๐™ง๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ก๐™ฎ ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™š ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ข๐™–๐™™๐™ฃ๐™š๐™จ๐™จ.

All started with my dog running from home on an evening, 3 February, 21:00-22:00. It was a cold night, the air was covered in mist and the rain it was slowly purring in a frozen state. That night I looked for him for 3-4 h outside calling and yelling, desperate, thinking if he will be ok over this cold time or if somebody took him and doesn’t want to let him go. I put announces on Facebook, Instagram, on groups with lost animals and I couldn’t sleep all night. I has him since he was a baby, i raised him, I fed him with a baby bottle milk, I mean he is a part of my family, a member not just a pet. All night I went outside calling him at the gate, on the street, hoping he will pop out and he will return home, but no success.

On the internet a lot of people shared my post, looking for my dog.. So at 12:00-13:00 I received a call from a woman saying she found my dog on a post at another woman and she was sure he is mine. She sent me the picture with the post and there he was, on the street, near a concrete pillar. I contacted the other woman who made the post, she asked me for picture to be sure he is mine, after all confirmed she said he is near her house, on the streets, very scared, looking poorly. He was like 3 tram stations from me, I rushed to the station and I called my cousin to come with the car and we went in pursue. We yelled after him, calling on the streets, asking people but I couldn’t find him. My cousin said he has to continue working cuzโ€™ he was delivering packages, so I called my mother saying to her to come after me to keep looking… And right there, we were driving and all of the sudden my cousin said he saw something and he turned the car 180 fast at a corner. Guess what… There he was my dog, staying at the corner of the street, we rushed to him, leaving the car open, the doors , everything,. The dog, Toffee, by his name, he was scared and shocked, he ran a couple meters and after that he saw me and came to me. At that time, my cousin grabbed him and we got in the car. We took him home, safely. It took him a couple days but now he is playing, jumping and enjoying the time with us.

It was a tremendous story, when you are at the point of losing somebody, human or animal, something happens in your mind, your adrenaline increases, your courage. You find solutions, you don’t find excuses, you go till the end of the Earth.

๐™„ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™  ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ข๐™ค๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™š๐™ง๐™›๐™ช๐™ก ๐™›๐™š๐™š๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฌ๐™š ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š, ๐™‡๐™Š๐™‘๐™€.


Daily journal: 3. WEIRD

Everything moves so fast in our life and yet your state of mind perceives it so slow. High and low, that’s the state now. It’s weird, I started talking to people and it felt good, it felt different.. not right because for the moment it can’t be right but it was enough for the moment. I know that it starts and it ends because of me, I just hope that we can find the strength to move forward no matter what is holding us down.

What is holding you down?


Daily journal: 2. THOUGHTS

I woke up like from a nightmare, it was warm but it riped apart the feelings. It was like an avalanche coming inside out. At first I was confused then I realisez how much it bothered me what happened lately. All the thoughts we have at night increase trough sleep and get deeper, thatโ€™s why when I woke up I felt exhausted. You know itโ€™s just another daily struggle and we are causing it. I overthink everything, I empathise.. huge advantages in understand the world but huge mistakes for my internal self. Is it bad to want to understand others? Is it bad to want to pull them to you? Maybe, but rationally you canโ€™t go over otherโ€™s will.

I started writting another day of my struggle, Why? I dont know, it makes me feel better the thought that someone is listening, maybe they find themselves in this, maybe they overcame it or just maybe Iโ€™m being selfish.

Why so many thoughts? Is it better to sealed them?


Daily journal: 1. LOST

I had some thoughts these days. Sometimes I get this feeling like Iโ€™m choking, like Iโ€™m just sinking deeper, floating at the bottom.. with no rope to hold on, no hand to pick me up. I think itโ€™s not just a feeling, itโ€™s my poor state of mind. Rationally I know that we have to move on, to go forward but all my ties are cut off, I saw them piece by piece breaking apart. How can you move on when you feel this emptiness in you and around you?! How can you be happy again when all the reasons to be seem not enough? Maybe itโ€™s expecting too much? Maybe they were not the right people around?

What makes you move forward? What drives you to be happy? What are you dealing with?


Fighting


๐’ซ๐‘’๐‘œ๐“…๐“๐‘’ ๐’ถ๐“‡๐‘’ ๐’ป๐’พ๐‘”๐’ฝ๐“‰๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘”โ€ฆone way or another, with, between them or against something else. Itโ€™s an endless struggle we call life. Sometimes we are optimistic, looking forward to the near future, looking at what we can do  and on the other hand, we are seeing the pessimistic side, we focus on what we canโ€™t do, on how bad things turn up to be. With these said, itโ€™s hard to find a balance, that same balance which we are anger to achieve. Iโ€™m also stuck in finding this balance, in finding the good in the bad, in finding the solution that simply lies ahead.

Sometimes I wish things were easier, people were kinder, but that is not a thing which we can control.  Everyone is choosing ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐’พ๐“‡ ๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ ๐“…๐’ถ๐“‰๐’ฝ, creating their own laws and principles so if those match yours itโ€™s luck I suppose, but if donโ€™t, you need to accept them with no further questions after all each one of us has the right to live as he pleases. 

So why itโ€™s so hard to let the people around us take a different path?

๐’ช๐“‡ ๐“‰๐‘œ ๐“๐‘’๐“‰ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“‚ ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‹๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐’พ๐“‡ ๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ ๐’ธ๐‘œ๐“ƒ๐’ธ๐‘’๐“…๐“‰๐“ˆ ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’๐“ƒ ๐’พ๐’ป ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“Ž ๐’น๐’พ๐“ˆ๐’ถ๐‘”๐“‡๐‘’๐‘’ ๐“Œ๐’พ๐“‰๐’ฝ ๐“Š๐“ˆ, ๐“Œ๐’พ๐“‰๐’ฝ ๐‘œ๐“Š๐“‡ ๐“Œ๐’ถ๐“Ž ๐‘œ๐’ป ๐“๐’พ๐’ป๐‘’?

Maybe we are attracted to others, and we think we can take them with us, as we are selfish beings, maybe we need them in our lives to fill the empty place in our emotion that we failed to create. Why are we clinging to them even or especially when they donโ€™t want us?

๐ผ๐“‰ ๐’พ๐“ˆ ๐’ท๐‘’๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐‘’ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’ถ๐’ธ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’ ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’๐“‡๐“Ž๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘”, ๐’ธ๐“Š๐“โ€™ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ถ๐“‡๐‘’ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“…๐’ถ๐’ท๐“๐‘’ ๐‘œ๐“‡ ๐’พ๐“‰ ๐’พ๐“ˆ ๐’ท๐‘’๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐‘’ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ถ๐“๐“Œ๐’ถ๐“Ž๐“ˆ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’ธ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐‘”๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“‚ ๐‘œ๐“‡ ๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“๐“… ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“‚?

Until now, I tried not voluntarily or consciously to change and to help others. Iโ€™ve always said to myself : people donโ€™t change, unless they want to and that of course needs a tremendous power of will from them, but I donโ€™t know why I tried to stick with them even if I knew the chances were all against. Well I like competition, I like to win and I like to see the smiles upon otherโ€™s faces when Iโ€™m with them, I like to make them happy, but I donโ€™t know why I insisted so much to help them under the pretexts that maybe they donโ€™t know how to help themselves or they are too shy or they donโ€™t have the power or the support to do it. The answer was always in front of me: if they want, they will do it, but I guess I never wanted to believe the fact that they donโ€™t want to. Iโ€™ve always found reasons why they canโ€™t cuzโ€™ I was afraid to find why they donโ€™t want.

๐‘€๐’ถ๐“Ž๐’ท๐‘’ ๐ผโ€™๐“‚ ๐’ฟ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐“‰ ๐’ท๐‘’๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐“ƒ๐’ถรฏ๐“‹๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‰ ๐’น๐‘’๐‘’๐“… ๐’น๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“Ž ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‹๐‘’ ๐“€๐’พ๐“ƒ๐’น๐“ƒ๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“ˆ ๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐’น ๐’พ๐“‰โ€™๐“ˆ ๐“ƒ๐‘œ๐“‰ ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’๐“‡๐“Ž๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐’ฟ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐“‰ ๐’ถ ๐“‡๐‘’๐’ธ๐“€๐“๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“… ๐’ธ๐“‡๐“Š๐“ˆ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐“‰๐‘œ ๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’ถ๐’พ๐“ˆ๐’ท๐‘’๐“‡๐‘”.


OVERthinking

๐’ด๐’ช๐ฟ๐’ช (you only live once) sau ๐’ž๐’ถ๐“‡๐“…๐‘’ ๐’Ÿ๐’พ๐‘’๐“‚ (din Latina โ€“ traieste clipa), unele dintre expresiile pe care majoritatea le-am auzit de-a lungul timpului si cu toate acestea gandim prea mult inainte de a actiona si chiar fata de lucruri care nu presupun actiunea in sine.

De ce a aparut acest fenomen de ๐‘œ๐“‹๐‘’๐“‡๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘”?

De fapt cred ca el a fost mereu acolo pentru unii dintre noi; sa luam un exemplu: sa presupunem ca ne-am atins obiectivele si ca suntem completi pe diferite planuri, iar viata noastra este asezata pe atat pe cat poate fi traiul unui om de rand, credeti ca am mai gandi la fel de mult lucrurile ? Simplu, da, este in natura umana sa ne dorim mai mult indiferent de nivelul la care ajungem , sa vrem sa fim si ยซ mai sus ยป de atat, iar aceasta cautare a obiectivelor nu se va opri. Chiar si cand ajungi intr-un punct perfect, din punctul subiectiv al celui care traieste, tot vei simti ca ceva lipseste, fie ca este alt tel, fie ca este dorinta ce a incerca ceva nou , fie te enerveaza sedentarismul si monotonia instalate.

E bine ca vrem sa ne autodepasim dar uneori trebuie sa ne aducem aminte sa nu ne pierdem in detalii si sa ne intoarcem la simplitate, sa ne bucuram de momente si sa le valorificam. In fond cu aceste momente si experiente vom ramane, iar toata confuzia si multitudinea de intrebari care roiesc la mansarda nu ne vor ajuta niciodata sa evoluam sau sa schimbam lucrurile atata timp cat nu actionam.

Daca ai tendinta sa โ€š๐“ˆ๐“Š๐“…๐“‡๐’ถ๐‘”๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐’น๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“‰๐’พโ€™ situatia, ar fi bine sa โ€šโ€š๐“ˆ๐“Š๐“…๐“‡๐’ถ๐’ถ๐’ธ๐“‰๐’พ๐‘œ๐“ƒ๐‘’๐“๐’พ’ altfel totul este de prisos si singurul rezultat vor fi cateva migrene si multe sagetari emotionale.

Daca esti o persoana โ€žnorocoasaโ€ care nu are aceasta tendinta, poti ramane linistit in bula gandurile simple si a fundamentului carpe diem, doar sa fii constient ca s-ar putea sa pierzi din vedere anumite detalii, invizibile pentru tine dar semnificative pentru ceilalti.

๐’ข๐‘œ๐‘œ๐’น ๐“๐“Š๐’ธ๐“€ ๐’พ๐“ƒ ๐’ถ ๐‘”๐’ถ๐“ˆ๐’พ ๐‘’๐’ธ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“๐’พ๐’ท๐“‡๐“Š๐“,

๐’ข๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐’น๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“‰๐‘’ ๐“ˆ๐’พ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“‡๐“…๐‘’ ๐’น๐’พ๐‘’๐“‚!

ONLINE, dar On-the-right-line

แด€tunci cand vorbim de online ne inchipuim o lume virtuala,  ceva intangibil in concret care nu ne poate afecta, un loc in care te poti ascunde, insa, eu consider online-ul ca fiind ส€แด‡แด€สŸษชแด›แด€แด›แด‡แด€ แด…ษชษดแด›ส€-แด แด€สŸแด›แด€ แด˜แด‡ส€sแด˜แด‡แด„แด›ษชแด แด€ si sunt sigura ca influenteaza intr-o masura destul de mare, cel putin in zilele noastre.

Desi nu realizam in mod direct, online-ul ne afecteaza foarte mult moral si emotional atunci cand nu este controlat. De ce spun ca este o realitate dintr-o alta perspectiva? Pentru ca แด›ษชแด˜แด€ส€แด‡สŸแด‡ แดœแดแด€ษดแด‡ sแด‡ ส€แด‡ษขแด€sแด‡sแด„ ษชษดแด…ษชา“แด‡ส€แด‡ษดแด› แด…แด‡ สŸแดแด„แดœสŸ ษชษด แด„แด€ส€แด‡ sแด‡ แด€า“สŸแด€, si anume in viata de zi cu zi sau in mediul virtual, astfel incat asa cum zilnic iti poti da seama de natura omului asa o poti face si prin intermediul ecranului, in fond acesta iti prezinta tie, urmaritorului, o parte din el.

แด›ษชษดแด‡ แด…แด‡ แด›ษชษดแด‡ sแด€ sแด›แด€ส™ษชสŸแด‡sแด›ษช แด„แด‡ า“แด‡สŸ แด…แด‡ แดแด แด ส€แด‡ษช sแด€ า“ษชษช, แด…แด‡แด„ษช แด˜ส€ษชษด แดœส€แดแด€ส€แด‡, แด„แด‡ า“แด‡สŸ แด…แด‡ แด˜แด‡ส€sแดแด€ษดแด‡ แด ส€แด‡ษช sแด€ แดœส€แดแด€ส€แด‡sแด›ษช. แด›ษชษดแด€ษดแด… แด„แดษดแด› แด„แด€ แด€แด„แด‡สŸแด‡ แด˜แด‡ส€sแดแด€ษดแด‡ sแด‡ส€แด แด‡sแด„ แด„แด€ า“แด€แด„แด›แดส€ ษชษด แด…แด‡แดขแด แดสŸแด›แด€ส€แด‡แด€ แด›แด€.

แดษดสŸษชษดแด‡-แดœสŸ แด‡sแด›แด‡ แด แด€า“แด€แด„แด‡ส€แด‡ แด„แด€ส€แด‡ แด ษชษดแด…แด‡, ษชแด€ส€ แด›แดœ แด‡sแด›ษช แด„แดœแดแด˜แด€ส€แด€แด›แดส€แดœสŸ, exact ca atunci cand intri intr-un magazin si cauti un anumit produs, gasesti acel produs la diferite brand-uri, cu costuri, cantitati si calitati diferite. De ce oare pentru un simplu produs putem citi eticheta, iar fata de cei pe care ii vedem in online ramanem amutiti de aparenta si uitam sa intoarcem lucrurile pe toate partile? Daca v-ati imaginat ipoteza inlocuind oamenii cu un produs cred ca v-ati dat seama ca este destul de ironic sa sแด›แด€ษช แดœษชแด›แด€ษดแด…แดœ-แด›แด‡ แด„แด€ ยซ แดแด€แด›แด€ ษชษด แด„แด€สŸแด‡ษดแด…แด€ส€ ยป, sแดœส€แด˜ส€ษชษดs, แด„แด€แด›ส€แด‡ แดœษด แด€แดส™แด€สŸแด€แดŠ.

De ce sa nu privim lucrurile din aceeasi perspectiva ? Sunt oameni care au ce spune si oamenii care nu stiu ce spun, deci prin urmare nici nu au de la ce porni conversatia, pentru ca nimic nu incepe de la o premisa falsa decat o minciuna. In schimb noi suntem cei care ii umplem de ยซ vedetisme ยป peste noapte si pentru ca omul cand se vede in varful piramidei se schimba sau isi arata adevarata fata, la un asemenea impact, ei, din cauza socului si a starii de disperare, แด„ส€แด‡แด‡แด€แดขแด€ แด˜ส€แด‡แดษชsแด‡ า“แด€สŸsแด‡ tocmai pentru a ramane in varf, indiferent de consecintele asupra celorlalti, caci pentru ei scopul scuza mijloacele, iar scopul lor este de a face bani.

Urmaresc si eu oameni din online, sunt persoane educate, persoane care au muncit si inca o fac pentru a urma traseul pe care si-l doresc… oameni inteligenti din diferite puncte de vedere, care nu numai ca au ceva de zis, ei bine แด€แด„แด‡สŸ แด„แด‡แด แด€ แด˜แด‡ แด„แด€ส€แด‡ ษชสŸ แดขษชแด„ แด‡sแด›แด‡ แด€ส€ษขแดœแดแด‡ษดแด›แด€แด› , สŸแดษขษชแด„, แด„แดษดแด„ส€แด‡แด› sษช แด‡xแด˜แด‡ส€ษชแดแด‡ษดแด›แด€แด› แด…แด‡ แด‡ษช. Sunt persoane care si-au creat viata intr-un mod pozitiv si care la randul lor ii incurajeaza prin sfaturi si experiente pe cei care au creier sa asculte, ca de auzit, majoritatea avem functia aceasta biologica dar nu putem spune ca o folosim. Sunt oameni ancorati in realitate, fara contestare.

sแด˜แดœษดแด‡-แดษช แด„แดœ แด„ษชษดแด‡ sแด›แด€ษช, แด„แด€ sแด€-แด›ษช sแด˜แดœษด แด„ษชษดแด‡ แด‡sแด›ษช, แด„แดส€แด‡แด„แด› ?! แด›แดœ แด„แด‡ า“แด‡สŸ แด…แด‡ แดแด แด ส€แด‡ษช sแด€ า“ษชษช ? แด„แด‡ า“แด‡สŸ แด…แด‡ แด‡xแด˜แด‡ส€ษชแด‡ษดแด›แด‡ แด ส€แด‡ษช sแด€ แด˜ส€ษชแด แด‡sแด›ษช ?